Order sushi from the gas station? Draw to an inside straight? Take tax advice from Allen Weisselberg?
Our theme this week is making poor choices, with two real-life examples from these newsy verses:
Nude Breach (June 28, 2021)
You may have read that Sydney and other cities in Australia have gone back into lockdown, hoping to stem the spread of the Delta coronavirus variant.
That didn’t stop two Sydneysiders (that’s what they call ‘em Down Under) from trying to sneak out to tan their hides, and somehow they got lost:
According to a police statement, the authorities had located a 30-year-old man naked and carrying a backpack on the walking track near Lady Wakehurst Drive in the Royal National Park in Otford.
After a further search, which included the help of a helicopter, they then found a 49-year-old man, who was partially clothed.
The men told officers that they were on a nearby beach when they were startled by a deer and ran into bushland.
"It's difficult to legislate against idiots," NSW Police Commissioner Mick Fuller said at a press conference on Monday when speaking about the incident.
[Read more here: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-57634166]
Aren’t deer generally considered to be friendly and approachable? A bear would startle me and I’d run for the hills, but I’d speak softly to a deer and feel no obligation to surrender my spot on the trails. I can’t recall ever seeing the headline, “Hiker Mauled by Doe.”
A prominent difference between Australia and the U.S. — the Aussies find it difficult to legislate against idiots, while we Americans find it difficult to deal with the idiots in our legislature.
Arrested Developments (July 2, 2021)
A gentleman out for a leisurely early-morning walk suddenly found himself in a world of trouble — none of it innocent, and most of it of his own making:
A deputy investigating a possible theft from a motor vehicle stopped and questioned Michael Deschesne while he was walking in the area early Sunday morning, according to the York (Maine) County Sheriff’s Office.
The deputy determined that Deschesne was not involved with the theft but was walking home after an argument with a friend. However, the deputy found that Deschesne had an outstanding warrant for theft and arrested him, the sheriff’s office said.
Deschesne claimed he had enough money to post bail, so the bail commissioner was contacted, the sheriff’s office said. When he met with the commissioner, Deschesne allegedly presented two counterfeit $100 bills.
He was denied bail and returned to jail with an additional forgery charge. Later that day, Deschesne posted bail with authentic currency, the sheriff’s office said.
[Read more here: https://bit.ly/2SMUsOW]
My question: how did this fellow manage to procure “authentic currency” after being charged with forgery and returned to jail? If he had “authentic currency” on his person when he was first arrested, why didn’t he offer that instead of funny money? And if he had “authentic currency” somewhere on his person when first arrested, where did he hide it? A clue, perhaps:
I’ve made many poor choices in my life (with the notable exception of proposing to my darling wife, Carol) — too many to count as a teen, more than I should have as a younger man, and I still manage a cock-up or two even now in my golden years.
Now I am dealing with the after-effects of one of those poor choices: not using sunblock consistently. This week I had two basal cell carcinomas removed — one from near my elbow (no more hanging my arm out the window while driving) and one from the side of my nose (there goes my modeling career). Fortunately, basal cell is the most easily treated kind of skin cancer and is highly unlikely to metastasize.
The surgeries to remove them were quick and painless, under the steady hand of an excellent dermatologist. Other than having a slight headache from my eyes constantly trying to focus on the bulky bandage spread across the bridge of my nose, I have no post-surgical discomfort and look forward to regaining full use of my one elbow and both nostrils.
Anyway — enjoy your 4th of July (or, for my Canadian friends, your Canada Day) festivities, and remember to slather on the SPF with abandon!
Later,
JB
"It's difficult to legislate against idiots" - yes, yes it is :)