You may have caught wind that I just participated in my first-ever book signing, courtesy of a local Maine bookstore chain (Sherman’s — great stores and nice people, if you’re ever in the state). It was on a Saturday afternoon, and while the weather wasn’t particularly cooperative (cold, heavy rain, strong winds), there was still a good bit of foot traffic coming through Sherman’s Damariscotta location. I managed to convince a few people with whom I had no prior connection to purchase a copy, and I was quite flattered and humbled that several of my friends made the trek to the bookstore to attend the signing.
My favorite part of the day is when a kid, maybe ten years old, walked over to my table by the entrance with a boxed set of Pokemon trading cards. He showed me the item and told me how he believed it was over-priced — it was selling for $54 and he thought it should be selling for half that amount. I nodded my head while suggesting he speak to one of the nice people behind the registers who actually, y’know — worked at the store, to see if there was any deal to be worked out.
Moments later, I saw him approach one of the associates and beckon her toward the display of his prospective purchase. He kept her engaged in a vigorous back-and-forth while sharing his insights into market research, the retail environment, surge pricing models, and suggested up-sale approaches. The employee was very patient with the lad, hearing him out as he kept generating new ideas for a solid 15 minutes before gracefully excusing herself to return to her duties at the checkout area.
I felt badly for having sicced this adolescent Jeff Bezos-wannabe on the unsuspecting clerk, so once the CMO-in-waiting returned to his mother I walked over to the sales counter and offered all the employees every last bit of the individually-wrapped Dove chocolates I’d brought to share with my prospective fans.
Anyway… the book is out there and available for purchase. I’ll link to ordering information at the end of this edition, after the posts below.
Murder Most Fowl (November 10, 2022)
I can’t decide which aspect of this news story was more upsetting: trying to smuggle a gun onto a plane, or trying to smuggle a raw chicken onto a plane. But once I realized “pullet” rhymes with “bullet,'“ I was off to the races.
Suffer Fools Not So Gladly (November 16, 2022)
As I compile this newsletter, it’s only been three weeks since Trump formally announced his entrance into the 2024 Presidential election. I think you know how well it’s been going for him so far.
Decoding Creativity: contributor (November 30, 2022)
Along with several other writers who attended the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in October (and see the following post for more on that adventure), I contributed a brief piece to author/coach Julia Roberts’ website.
My Month-Long Reign as the Funniest Person in Existence (December 1, 2022)
I mentioned in last month’s newsletter (and via email and on Facebook and Insta and Twitter and in the checkout line at Hannaford’s) that the slightly deluded lovely staff of the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop had designated me their “Humor Writer of the Month” for November. Here’s a recounting of how that month went before the mantle was relocated from my shoulders to those of the far-more-deserving Karen Chee.
How The Mighty Oath Has Fallen (December 6, 2022)
A-a-a-and… I’m right back to the latest (but perhaps most egregious of all-time) Trump declaration.
Death In All Its Forms (December 7, 2022)
And now for something completely different… I entered a contest a few months back where entries had to be stories told completely in rhyme. My 1st Round submission (O Undistinguish’d Space, in case you missed it) won 2nd place in my category, which qualified me to continue to the 2nd Round.
But, oh boy — what an assignment this time… Genre: Horror / Theme: Cure-all / Emotion: Neglected. Try as I might (and I did, I really did), I couldn’t come up with a humorous approach and so decided to dive deep into the “horror” aspect. This was certainly out of my comfort zone re: tone.
2nd Round results (705 contestants in total) will be announced by February 1, 2023… I’m not optimistic but gave it my best shot. Lemme know what you think.
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OK, back to something more joyful: my new book, The Best I Can Do, is available for purchase and/or download! Several options to acquire your very own copy:
Order from Amazon (paperback or Kindle)
Order from Barnes and Noble (paperback)
Order from your preferred local bookseller (just search/ask for by author and/or title)
Contact me directly!
Email me at JohnARBranning(at)gmail.com with your mailing address and # of copies you’d like to purchase
I’ll reply to confirm your order and share Paypal/Venmo info — or you can mail me a good ol’ paper check
Cost: $15 (this includes shipping via Media Mail + I’ll autograph your copy!)
The book just received a very favorable review from a genuine, professional book reviewer — check it out!
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Okey-doke — that’s more than enough for this edition. Happy Holidays, whatever/however you do or don’t celebrate.