I’ve been wrestling with “What is my brand?” when it comes to writing — Humorous essays? Lighter-side-of-the-news verse? Political poetry? — and after much critical evaluation finally came to the firm decision to embrace all three.
If you visit the websites for The Trump Poems or Rhyme for the News, you’ll be encouraged to click a link and head on over to related sections on JohnBranning.com. This is the newly-renovated home for all my musings. Under the “Posts” dropdown you’ll see listings for “FactsOptional” (all the content from my original humor blog, launched 10 years ago!), “Rhyme for the News” (light verse about non-political topics that catch the media’s interest), and “The Trump (and other political) Poems” (pretty self-explanatory, methinks).
I’m giving myself license to write about whatever the frick I want to, without feeling boxed in by a specific category. It has, at least initially, stirred up my creative juices and I was pretty proficient this month, concocting 10 different posts about a variety of topics.
So, it’s time to crack open a Zima or whip up a Long Island Slushie and enjoy a wide variety of at least passable content from yours truly — conveniently divided into the following thematic sections:
FactsOptional
Senior Winces (March 6, 2022)
I have always enjoyed compiling aphorisms/idioms/sayings/clichés under a given theme and then poking holes in them. This grouping reflects on the aging process, as that is the process I am currently undergoing.
New Skin Off My Nose (March 23, 2022)
And speaking of aging… years of over-exposure to the sun (or at least under-application of sunscreen) have led to the removal of several small lesions in the last year or so. In this piece, I write about how parts of my skin were cauterized both by a highly qualified surgeon and an extremely hot beverage.
Rhyme for the News
Hope Springs Forward Eternal (March 11, 2022)
In the midst of this year’s renewed focus on making Daylight Saving Time permanent (or, if you’re in the other camp, making Daylight Standard Time permanent), I clocked in with this little ditty.
A Reptile Dysfunction (March 14, 2022)
A story about a man stopped at the border — and not for the first time — while attempting to smuggle in exotic reptiles made my skin crawl. Which, coincidentally, is what reptiles also do.
Crazy at the Bat (March 27, 2022)
Scientists have figured out how an exotic creature survives on a diet of blood. And I’m not talking about Keith Richards…
The Trump (and other political) Poems
Barr Hasn’t Paged Well (March 1, 2022)
Hard to believe the month kicked off with a flurry of appearances by Bill Barr, attempting to drum up interest in his book (at 608 pages, nearly as corpulent as the author) with some carefully leaked “revelations” followed by a number of in-depth interviews by most of the major (and some of the fringe) media outlets. And now, as April appears on the horizon… nobody’s talking about it — or him.
Skipped for Brains (March 5, 2022)
While there are a number of nut jobs currently serving in the House and Senate, the two pictured here decided to throw caution to the wind and hector Joe Biden during the State of the Union address. It’s not the first time someone berated the POTUS during the SOTU, but for these “government servants” it was just another day to launch a dust-up at the Capitol.
Ginni-ed Up (March 17, 2022)
Ginni Thomas tried to get out in front of this story by giving an interview to a friendly Washington conservative publication — it wasn’t well-received and then came the release of the texts between her and Trump’s Chief of Staff Mark Meadows post-election and in the lead-up the January 6th insurrection. Oy. I wrote this before the text revelations, so likely there’s a sequel/update coming next month. What rhymes with “recusal” and/or “disgraced”?
Badger of Dishonor (March 25, 2022)
Several Republican members of the Senate Judiciary Committee chose to use the Ketanji Brown Jackson hearings to launch their campaigns for “Most Egregious Displays of Racism and Ignorance in the Post-Trump Era,” 2024 edition.
Bunker Mentality (March 30, 2022)
And, of course, DJT makes an appearance (has he ever gone away)? He made a hole-in-one and decided that literal stroke of luck was worthy of a press release. Oh, and he also appealed to Putin to help with his 2024 re-election campaign.
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Epilogue
I also have a hole-in-one documented as part of my illustrious golfing history: I shanked a ball to the left off the tee, whereupon it struck a tree, ricocheted onto the cart path, took two huge bounces into the air, came down just on the edge of the green and — dazed and confused — rolled 25 feet into the cup. I am one of the few duffers in history who felt shame at achieving this milestone. I was playing a solo round, so no witness (but you can trust me); when I finished my round I came into the clubhouse to announce I’d gotten my first ace. The starter’s response: “Uh-huh…” Considering the circumstances, that was probably the appropriate level of enthusiasm to express.
I’ll wrap up with a short plea: I’d love to get more folks signed up for the newsletter (Free! I’m not one of these money-grubbing Substackers who charge for a subscription to their scribblings), so if you’d be so kind as to do so, I’d be much obliged. And if you’re feeling particularly generous, perhaps you’ll consider forwarding a link to your friends and family members (and if you’re *not* in such a mood, then consider forwarding the link to your mortal enemies) and encourage them to subscribe as well.
My best to you and yours and any others you wish were yours but they’re the one(s) who got away.
JB
The Expanded Edition
The new website looks great!!
The new website looks great!!