Well, I’m a little bit behind schedule with this month’s newsletter — Covid has reared its ugly spikes in our household and I am busy being caretaker to my better, but currently sicker, half.
Prior to the onset of this illness, we were out of town for most of the week in order to visit several branches of the family that, due to said Covid, we hadn’t seen since the onset of the pandemic. Just when we thought we were out — the virus pulled us back in.
Anyway — my output wasn’t quite what I had planned for the month, but I am pleased to share what I was able to concoct. I also have an interesting creative diversion coming up soon; those details I’ll share in the Epilogue at the end of this edition.
FactsOptional
This Scrubs Me the Wrong Way (April 9, 2022)
Here’s something new from me — recounting an adventure from real-life (mine, that is) in the form of poetry.
Our dishwasher began acting up in the last few months; certain cycles either performed erratically or failed to engage at all. After an exhaustive online search (by which I mean, like, 45 minutes of mouse-clicking), I came across a post outlining a diagnostic test and possible repair via pushing various buttons on the control panel in a certain order. I tried it and voilà, the dishwasher was healed.
For about two weeks. Then the machine relapsed; a call to the local repair shop suggested that the age of the dishwasher (7 years — since when is that considered “old”?) meant the likely cost of replacement parts would closely approximate the cost of a new appliance.
One trip and nearly a thousand dollars later, we had a new dishwasher and I had a mild concussion from banging my head every time I retreated from under the sink during the installation process.
Rhyme for the News
Come and Flamingo (April 2, 2022)
WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — One of two flamingos that escaped from a Kansas zoo during a storm 17 years ago has been spotted on the coast of Texas, wildlife officials said.
The Coastal Fisheries division of Texas Parks and Wildlife confirmed Tuesday to The Associated Press that the African flamingo — known as No. 492 because of the number on its leg band — was captured on video shot March 10 by an environmental activist near Port Lavaca, Texas, at Rhodes Point in Cox Bay. Officials were able to make out the bird’s leg band on the video.
The bird and another flamingo escaped from the Sedgwick County Zoo in Wichita on a stormy night in June 2005. Employees had not yet clipped the birds’ wings to prevent them from flying, which facilitated their escape.
While the other flamingo was never seen again, No. 492 has been spotted several times in Wisconsin, Louisiana and Texas, sometimes with other wild flamingos. Officials said it had been a year or two since the bird was last seen in Texas.
In an effort to come up with rhyme schemes, I manage to come across a number of words with which I was unfamiliar — vassalage was the newbie this time.
A-Peel-ing Behavior (April 10, 2022)
A robot that can peel a banana (some of the time) — what will they invent next? Perhaps a dishwasher that lasts longer than 7 years…
The Trump (and other political) Poems
An Oz-some Challenge (April 13, 2022)
I’m not sure which was more concerning: Donald Trump’s endorsement of Dr. Oz’s Senate campaign — or Oprah Winfrey’s original endorsement of this charlatan as a medical guru.
Assessed by God (April 13, 2022)
Or, as I like to refer to him — the “Ill-Chosen One.”
This Doesn’t Add Up (April 19, 2022)
There are so many reasons not to like Florida. But DeSantis does a nice job of making a long list superfluous.
Greene Behind the Fears (April 24, 2022)
MTG, Gaetz, Cawthorn, Boebert, Gohmert, Biggs, Gosar, and McCarthy: The Hateful Eight. Among many, many more — these are just the names in the first paragraph.
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Epilogue
Even since I started putting together this newsletter, Carol says she is beginning to feel better — hooray! Hoping for a quick recovery and none of that lingering “long Covid.”
This Tuesday, May 3rd, I will be auditioning for a stand-up slot at October’s Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop. It’s a virtual appearance, of course — and if you want to watch me online, you can! If you don’t want to — that’s also possible!
Through a horrible twist of fate (or perhaps alphabetizing), I am first up out of the 12 performers. You do need to register if you’re interested in viewing; here’s the link:
(It’s a little confusing — to register to be in the audience, you want to click on the green box toward the top-right side of the page linked above:
The registration link at the bottom of the page is to attend the writer’s conference in October — which I certainly encourage you to do if you’re interested! But the stand-up thing is this Tuesday, from 7p - 9p.)
It’s a two-minute routine and each contestant gets feedback from the judges immediately afterward. My last public performance was as Mr. McAfee, the father in “Bye Bye Birdie” who gets to sing, “What’s The Matter With Kids Today?”
On that note (pun intended) — catch you again next month. Unless I’m headlining at Caesar’s Palace.