I keep making promises I can’t fulfill… While I can only imagine how heartbroken all of you who read this newsletter (low double-digits, but trending toward mid-double-digits) must be, there’s just too much goin’ on at the moment to keep up with a weekly or biweekly publication schedule. So, let me try out a monthly summary of posts and we’ll see how it goes from there.
The common theme along this collection of rhymes is that I wish I’d managed to carve out time to compose more of them:
Shower the People (September 6, 2021)
Somehow, the personal grooming preferences of celebrities and/or their children became a hot topic on social media and more traditional news outlets:
… This month, the endearingly scruffy actor Jake Gyllenhaal gave a freewheeling interview to “Vanity Fair” in which he said he finds bathing “less necessary.” He continued, “I do also think that there’s a whole world of not bathing that is also really helpful for skin maintenance, and [our bodies] naturally clean [themselves].” (He also said that he is “baffled that loofahs come from nature.”)
That “world of not bathing” appears to be located right around the axis of Hollywood, given the number of celebrities that have chimed in on their own philosophies of hygiene. On an appearance on Dax Shepard’s “Armchair Expert” podcast this summer, actors Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis described their laissez-faire approach to bathing themselves and their kids. Mr. Kutcher said, “I wash my armpits and my crotch daily, and nothing else ever.” When it comes to the kids, he said, “If you can see the dirt on ‘em, clean ‘em, otherwise there’s no point.” After the subject exploded on Twitter, Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson weighed in on the opposite end of the spectrum, saying he showered three times a day…
[Read more here: https://on.wsj.com/3i9sE0p]
Until Smell-O-Vision finally catches on, I really don’t care what wafts from Jake Gyllenhall while he films his latest flick, and since I’m unlikely to serve as a babysitter for the Ashton Kutcher/Mila Kunis brood, they can choose to bathe their progeny as infrequently as they like.
But I do find it annoying when, while hanging with The Rock, he jumps up in the middle of the humorous anecdote I’m sharing to hose himself down for the second or third time that day.
Murmur Most Fowl (September 13, 2021)
Talking ducks are common in cartoons — but who knew they existed IRL?:
In new research, published in the journal Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B on Monday, researchers describe the vocal imitations produced by an Australian species of waterfowl known as the musk duck… The paper includes descriptions of a male musk duck, known as Ripper, hand-reared near Australia's capital city of Canberra. Ripper is a bit of a windbag and has been shown to mimic human sounds, like a door slamming and even human words.
Researchers recorded Ripper's rousing vocal mimicry back in July 1987, when he was just 4 years old. The fledgling Ripper could be riled up and in his enraged state, he'd growl at his handlers -- in a human voice.
[Read more here: https://cnet.co/3uc32Fd — you can hear a recording of Ripper embedded in the article.]
Several of the headlines I saw, including in the article linked above, alleged that the phrase “You bloody fool!” was akin to swearing. Uh… maybe in the Middle East, or Australia, where the thumbs-up gesture is considered obscene. But if you call someone a “bloody fool” here in these United States, you’ll just be laughed off the stage.
Tipsy-Turvy (September 15, 2021)
I’m not much of a barfly, so last call is a foreign experience for me. One fellow in South Dakota apparently wasn’t too familiar with its significance, either:
The Sioux Falls Police Department arrested a man after they found him afterhours at a bar with a beer in hand.
A 53-year-old man from Sioux Falls was arrested at about 5:30 a.m. Friday at the 300 block of North Cherapa Place, according to police spokesman Sam Clemens. The man was charged with first degree burglary and booked into the Minnehaha County Jail.
[Read more here: https://bit.ly/3CQAbZV]
I spent time in Canada during my university years, where bars are commonly referred to as “hotels.” One evening, I went with three friends to a local hotel for “10-cent draft night.” The waitress came over to take our order, and we asked for 40 glasses of draft beer. She said she could only fit 30 on the tray at a time, so we piped up, “Bring us those 30, and then another 10.”
Why none of us chose to major in mathematics remains a mystery.
Pulp Friction (September 22, 2021)
The wildfires that have been plaguing California and other parts of the West have been truly frightening in their impact and repeated occurrence. Recently, firefighters took an innovative step to save some monumental treasures:
The world's largest tree recently got a blanket to help protect it from a raging wildfire. Photos of the sequoia named General Sherman — with a base measuring a massive 36 feet in diameter — set off a flurry of interest in why and how a blanket might work against flames…
Intent on saving General Sherman and other high-priority trees, firefighters wrapped sequoias in aluminum-based blankets, sheathing the trees' foot-thick bark with a synthetic material to help them survive…
"We basically told the fire crews to treat all our special sequoias like they were buildings and wrap them all up, and rake all the litter away and roll away the heavy logs," (chief of resources management and science at Sequoia & Kings Canyon National Parks Christy M.) Brigham told CNN.
[Read more here: https://n.pr/3kHEgJN]
The General Sherman is estimated to be at least 2,300 years old. While the article linked above states that sequoias have been scarred by fires in the past, this appears to be the first time the risk to these magnificent trees was considered so severe that they were wrapped to protect them like homes and other structures.
Honestly — is there anyone out there who still denies the impact of and threat from climate change? What’s the Venn diagram of overlap with those refusing the Covid vaccines?
Part of the reason why my plate has been so full lately is that I have finally, after much procrastination, begun the effort to self-syndicate Rhyme for the News to various media outlets. I started with the largest media group here in Maine and was absolutely thrilled to get a response to my query barely more than a half-hour after submitting it!
The editor took a pass, but still — I marveled at her efficiency.
Plenty more contacts on my list to work through, so that’s where I’ll be diverting most of the time and energy consumed by the newsletter. But October is nearly here, so it won’t be *too* long until the next edition, he alleges.
In the meantime, you can keep up with verses as they’re posted at RhymeForTheNews.com — which I hope you will.
Happy Fall,
JB