Greetings from my perch next to the lake here in Maine. Last Wednesday we set a new February temperature record, reaching 63 degrees by early afternoon. On Saturday morning, as I started to run the day’s errands, it was minus 6.
I am still adjusting.
And speaking of adjustments… You may notice a few changes in this latest edition of the newsletter. They go hand in hand with some updates to my polyglot of websites. I’ll bore you with the details a little further down, but first — let’s get into some light verse, shall we?
Spread Alert (February 26, 2022)
Among all of the pandemic-related shortages we’ve been experiencing, the emptiness seen on various grocery store shelves is perhaps the most frustrating for many folks. Adding insult to injury — the current shortage of breakfast/buffalo chicken dip favorite cream cheese is due to a cyberattack, in addition to all the supply chain issues:
Grocery store customers have bemoaned the cream cheese shortage that has left shelves deprived of the popular sandwich spread.
Widespread cream cheese shortages were first reported in December, following a cyberattack in October against the largest cheese manufacturer in the U.S.
But in parts of the United States, some cheese lovers are still deprived, and shoppers have been taking to Twitter to share their fruitless endeavors to obtain a tub.
[Read more here: https://bit.ly/3srlDhl]
I, for one, did not feel much impact from this kerfuffle since 1) although I love ‘em, I’m not a daily bagel eater, and 2) I like to spread hummus on my lightly toasted everything bagel. My favorite variety of all, and one that sadly I don’t see anywhere in a 100-mile radius of where I live now, is the Black Russian bagel that I used to get at Greenfield’s Bagels and Deli, in Greenville, SC. It’s a pumpernickel bagel with caramelized onion mixed into the dough.
(BTW — the name of this bagel predates the current situation in Ukraine, so no trolling, please.)
Vlad All Over (February 24, 2022)
Speaking of the current situation in Ukraine… that’s a perfect segue into some of the changes I mentioned earlier. I’ve decided to resurrect, at least occasionally, my other rhyme-based endeavor: The Trump Poems. Starting with the second year of the Trump administration, and up to his departure from DC (when he skipped attending the Biden inauguration), I wrote about his (mis-)adventures, and those of his confederates, on an almost-daily basis — often posting multiple times in the same day.
I decided to retire that blog when Trump departed for Mar-a-Lago, but — quite sadly — he never really left the scene. But of all the appalling ex-POTUS behavior he’s evinced since being booted from office, his comments relating to Russia’s invasion of Ukraine got me sufficiently agitated to the point that I felt I had to resurrect my approach to commentary on his (mis-)behavior and complete disdain for the basic tenets of democracy.
So:
Trump complimented Putin on Tuesday, saying it was a “smart move” by the Russian president to send “the strongest peace force I’ve ever seen” to the Ukraine border.
“This is genius,” Trump said in a conservative talk radio interview at his Mar-a-Lago resort, echoing his past praise of the Russian president. “Putin declares a big portion of the Ukraine — of Ukraine — Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that’s wonderful. He used the word ‘independent’ and ‘we’re going to go out and we’re going to go in and we’re going to help keep peace.’ You’ve got to say that’s pretty savvy.”
[Read more here: https://wapo.st/3IwfJRu]
I plan to continue with Trump- and other politically-themed poems from time to time, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Brow Beaten (February 24, 2022)
Here’s another change of pace — I submitted this short humor piece to a contest and recently found out I neither won, placed, nor showed.
But I’ve decided to show it to you anyway. My wife really *did* get her eyebrows tattooed, and I really *did* freak out at the price… the rest is what is known as “artistic license.”
Paint Misbehavin’ (February 11, 2022)
Now then, back to the unbelievable-but-in-a-less-disastrous-way news:
A Russian art gallery guard has been accused of doodling on a Soviet-era painting he was responsible for guarding on his first day in the job.
During a visit to the Yeltsin Center in Yekaterinburg in December, two visitors spotted eyes drawn in ballpoint pen on Anna Leporskaya's work Three Figures.
The avant-garde painting features three abstract, and usually eyeless, figures.
The security guard has since been fired and the police have opened a criminal investigation.
In a statement the Yeltsin Center's executive director Alexander Drozdov said the security guard was employed by a private security organisation.
It was also the security guard's first day in the job, exhibition curator Anna Reshetkina told Russian website ura.ru.
"His motives are still unknown but the administration believes it was some kind of a lapse in sanity," she said.
[Read more here: https://bbc.in/3C0HXkP]
I just realized I managed to reference “Russia” in three of this month’s posts. I guess my subconscious realized what was going on geopolitically before it hit the newspapers.
—
I’m still working through the mechanics of it, but I’ve taken/am taking the following steps regarding how I share my harmless little hobby:
I’ve moved all the content from two websites — Rhyme for the News and The Trump Poems — over to my other website: JohnBranning.com.
On that site, there’s a dropdown menu for “Posts” and from there you can read my prose-oriented output (“FactsOptional”), light verse commenting on the more inane stories in the news (“Rhyme for the News”) and then the political stuff (“The Trump Poems”).
I’m working on revising the various Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Substack accounts with which I wrestle to align with the website. A pain in the ass, for sure.
And I’ve retitled this newsletter to reflect the all-encompassing nature of each month’s broader stylistic output.
I’m interested in your response to these changes — good, bad and/or ugly.