So… we’re two primaries down, with Super Tuesday still six weeks away as I’m typing this — and yet the nominees for both parties (and, specifically, the GOP’s) are all but determined? What’s up with that? It’s like now trying to buy tickets online to see Taylor Swift, which sell out within seconds, versus back in the day (back in my day) when you’d wait your turn in a long line outside of some now-defunct department store but at least have a chance of scoring a couple of ducats to see the Boss, or the Police, or even REO Speedwagon, fer chrissakes.
I’m not sure what point I was trying to make with that analogy, so let’s move on.
Weather Report (*another* great concert from the 80s): We finally got some fluffy snow here on a couple of occasions this month. There is not a ton of it here in central Maine — perhaps all together about a foot and a half, and since it was so light it quickly compacted and/or blew away — but the landscape looks wintery, and recently, temperatures have dropped as well. Yesterday was the first time I’ve seen anyone out on the lake to ice fish; the ice isn’t nearly deep enough to support snowmobiles, so everyone is walking out to their preferred spots with sleds full of equipment.
As far as writing goes: I posted a fair bit of political stuff, which should come as no surprise, with only one apolitical verse, an updated repost of a New Year’s resolutions piece, and a comedic riff on the art of humor writing. I was pleased the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop saw fit to post that last piece on their blog (it’s also on my website, link found below).
One of my goals for this year is to submit pieces to various outlets and attempt more publication outside of merely throwing them up (that’s an unfortunate choice of words) on JohnBranning.com. I’ve made a few submissions with no takers yet — but it’s early in the year, and I hope to get myself on a more regular cycle of writing and submitting, writing and submitting. Also a more regular cycle of going to the gym, but we’ll save that struggle for a future comedic riff.
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Unchained Maladies (December 26, 2023)
In which I bid adieu to a year that wasn’t my favorite, due to some health and financial issues that were, thankfully, almost entirely resolved before stumbling into 2024.
At least three of these New Year’s resolutions are sincere (December 31, 2023)
This is the updated piece — the resolutions are just as sincere as when it was first published in 2016… with only #11 requiring some minor updating regarding a certain figure who is, incredulously, still on the scene all these years later.
How to Write Funny (January 21, 2024)
This is the one that was posted on the Bombeck site. I’m going to the writing workshop again this year, in April (I first attended in October 2022), and very much looking forward to it. In 2022 I got my picture taken with conference speaker — and original SNL cast member — Laraine Newman!
Ok, now for the politics (these start from mid-December, after the last edition of this renown[ced] newsletter):
The Traits of Hell (December 19, 2023)
Trump continues to bask in the adulation of dictators and rail against those who, although their views may be anathema to him, are still participating in a little something called “democracy.”
History-onic (December 22, 2023)
I mean, what’s worse — parroting Hitler’s language, or claiming you don’t even know who he IS??
Crueltide Greetings (December 26, 2023)
In response to yet another of his Christmas diatribes… er, tidings of comfort and joy
Confederates (December 28, 2023)
Coming just a few days after Trump’s proclaimed ignorance of all things Hitler — Nikki Haley overlooks the cause of the Civil War. DeSantis makes a cameo appearance here as well, but he’s not worth wasting the alphabet on.
Cite Unseen (January 4, 2024)
Trump finally — FINALLY — released the long-awaited (by whom?) report that *proves* all of the election fraud he’s been alleging lo these many months. I must say, upon reading the report in its entirety (didn’t take too long) — it’s clearer than ever what the source of the fraud is.
Bad Education (January 6, 2024)
Let’s hop back to Nikki for another moment and hear her try to rectify her prior snafu, only to escalate it into a snafu-ck up.
Stutter Mis-Step (January 7, 2024)
In response to Biden’s speech regarding the fate of democracy hinging on the outcome of the election (hardly hyperbole), Trump reassures everyone that the *real* issue here is that Biden stuttered his way through the presentation. When he did no such thing.
Crash Decision (January 13, 2024)
Mr. “Make America Great Again” crosses his fingers that the economy will crash before the election. It’s enough of a conundrum that any college-educated person supports this man — but how can blue-collar workers, either?
Snow Job (January 16, 2024)
Trump prevails in an under-attended Iowa caucus while bleating lies and inanities; in other words — he’s on message.
The Tower of Babble-On (January 20, 2024)
After several instances of incomprehensible rambling, and confusing two politicians who could never be mistaken for one another, Trump continues to brag about his stellar cognitive function. I’m starting to wonder if he knows how to spell “IQ.”
DeSunktimonious (January 23, 2024)
OK, I *did* waste a bit more of the alphabet on DeSantis — but only to send him on his way. Just in case the graphic isn’t clear to you — it’s a bathysphere, suggesting he’ll descend to someplace very dark and quite deep.
Apoca-Lip Service (January 24, 2024)
Well, as I mentioned up top — it’s all over but the shouting… Apparently, the shouting is going to go on for quite some time.
I’m looking forward to February, when a slew of court appearances by the presumed GOP nominee for President of the United States will be punctuated by occasional, incoherent rally jeremiads. I’m also looking forward to hearing about the results of a few applications I’ve submitted and contests I’ve entered, so keep four of your fingers crossed for me and just two of those digits extended in Donald’s general direction. There, I said it.
Best to you and yours and keep in touch! Share the word of my frequently-embittered hilarity far and wide!
John, great to catch up with your work here and I hope to see you in April in Dayton, Ohio for Erma Bombeck. Keep up the great stuff.